


¯\_(ツ)_/¯

by MountainMew



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainMew/pseuds/MountainMew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>III~III~III~III~I’m HOOKED ON A FEELING!</p>
            </blockquote>





	¯\_(ツ)_/¯

**Author's Note:**

> I'm getting much more lazy about writing summaries.
> 
> I’m not really sure what sparked this, just one fine 3am I thought to myself, "Man, Drakengard’s pact thing is a cool idea... I wonder how that would work in shitty A/Z?" And the rest is history!   
> I always feel weird taking ideas from other series, tho. Cause it’s not really a crossover, but it’s also just an idea so it’s not really taking either? It’s that weird blurred line of writing. Well, anyway, that’s basically all there is to it. In case anyone thought I could honestly write a fic that doesn’t relate back to Drakengard, pfft!  
> So, anyway, to clarify a pact is when a human and a nonhuman beast exchange hearts and effectively become one. Both grow strength from the pact, but the human has to sacrifice something in return, such as the ability to speak, or eyesight, and the part of them given up is marked with a seal. Obviously, I tweaked the "human and nonhuman," part. Also, pacts can be broken at any point, an important detail.
> 
> Not that anyone cares! I just think the context might help cause I know the overlap between Draken and A.Z is literally only me, hah!  
> So, uh... Here's... This!

  Everyone dies. It’s a natural thought, until you hear the round of a shot. And another. And another. And you wish constantly you had died the night before, but you’re still here. Still alive. Still breathing the same ruthless air as all your fellow murderers.  Even if you save the day in the end, even if you win the girl and town, you have to wonder at this moment what the point is.  
  
   It hurts. It hurts so immensely, I can’t even bring myself to move. But he already knows, doesn’t he?  
   There’s the chest pains, the way my heart still races when left to face their wretched bots. Soon follows the adrenaline rush, and directly after a necessity to vomit, to hold my head against a wall, and to sleep. I want to sleep a very long time after every battle.  
   This battle was an unnatural shift in the world’s crust. For so long, I truly believed if I had followed orders as a dog does, I’d find happiness with her.  
   When I think how she must feel at the hands of the humans we desperately fight against, I start to feel like there’s a hand clutched around my heart, waiting to feel it burst.  
   I will certainly save her. I will certainly save her. I will certainly save her.  
   Repeating this mantra over and over again, I almost believe the possibility I would save her. Such a foolish thought, only a fellow human could have came up with.  
   I keep repeating it, none-the-less.  
   I will certainly save her.  
  
  
   Teaming up with humans of Earth was the last plan that I had in mind. Nothing good comes from these people, nothing but senseless violence.  
   What do they have to fight for? There’s no one. No one they love, no one to lead them, and no one person to fight for.  
   How could they possibly understand how we feel, if they’d just...  
 Give her back. If they’d just give her back, everything would be...  
  
   Frustration leads to mistakes. It was my mistake to join a human in battle.  
   I did everything for him. Saved his life, protected his people, fought with all the strength I had to be free. At his heart, however, he’s still a human. He’s a human who had so much a nerve to call me the enemy.  
   It felt really good to watch him crash and burn.  
  
  
   When I saw him, bleeding out at the chest beneath an oversized plaything, it had to have been pity. Nothing in my mind could justify how quickly I lifted him up. Nothing in my mind could justify tearing into his heart. And nothing in my mind could justify combining my own soul with his.  
  
   I mindlessly pull out the grass, an action of the bored and the childish to prove their arrogance over small blades of plant life. Still, no matter how much I pull, I’ve never seen the dirt ground.  
   Everything I touch dies. The animals, the flowers, princess and person, I find myself nothing but a deadly force.  
   Yet here he is. He’s breathing. I’ll never be able to explain why I went through with it -- _did I just want to make life?_ \-- but I’m satisfied with my work.  
  
  
   The world feels peaceful without sound. It’s like all my fighting could cease to exist, without ever hearing the earth shattering roar of guns firing and mechs landing. This is, until I’m bombarded with your sound. It’s more like the ringing that follows, immensely annoying at worst.  
   You sound of heavy panting, of excessive strategizing, of wind blowing and birds singing, but you aren’t addressing anything. Only once. Only a single thought matters.  
_I’m alive._  
  
_I can’t see..._  
   There’s an elegant pattern strung across your left eye. I traced every line across your face with ease. When first we met, I thought you’d be a danger to me. Softly, quietly, you almost never say anything. I only hear the distant background, like the silence of watching a somber movie.  
   You don’t ask why, simply wait for your comrades to pick you up. You had to be something special, to think they’d come back for you.  
_Thank you._  
   I see your lips move, but I heard your thoughts first. In truth, I’ve already forgot how to vocalize mine. I open my mouth, shut it slowly, open it again, shut it faster this time, and aimlessly for several minutes I continue this pattern before I finally know what to say.  
   I didn’t do it for you. I want to see her.  
   This shit-eating grin sprawled across your face says more than words could.  
  
  
   The Earthlings ship is nice, and clean. No different from the Vers base, but still everything feels brand new.   
   I never freely explored Versian land. Things are different, here, because my life is yours.  It’s hard to double cross someone who sees right through you.  
   I spent a lot of my freedom with my princess. We never spoke, but she was always smiling. Always humming. Always a vibration against my body. She reminded me of a child. An evil, arrogant child. She could twirl in place, have her dress poof out like a flower ready to engulf its prey, and I felt the innocence of her ignorance engulf me, as well. She’s definitely an idiot, but who am I to talk?  
   Aimlessly, I’d wrap my fingers around her nearly endless hair. I wanted to feel all the things she felt, give her the strength to lead our nation with pride.  
And most of all, I wanted to give her my love, but I knew even as a child she would never accept such a thing.  
   I was different, a human in her alien world. It’s no different than the feelings of being a soldier; I’m your plaything, and nothing more.  
  
  
   When I’m not with her, I’m stuck with Inaho. Inaho, a name I only know by ear of others, and a name I can’t stand to listen to.  
   Inaho, the hero of Earth. Inaho, the bravest man of all the humans. Inaho, the teenager who murdered my comrades. Inaho, the man I saved from death. Inaho, who wanted to kill me, first. Inaho, who saved Slaine, the helpless human of Vers.  
   Inaho, do tell, is there anything you can’t do?  
  
  
   I want to kill you. I want to shoot you a thousand times over.  
  
   At the sight of her, your heart swells, and mine does, too. Well, mine always has, but you had to have seen her first this time. Are our feelings that mutual? Or, have you always...?  
   If I think too long about it, it makes me want to kill you even more.  
  
   I want to let it slide, but there’s the little things that have been bothering me. You smile a little, almost unnoticeably so, when you talk with her. Your voice is a little softer. If you do it for your own gain, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It makes you dangerous, y’know? Kaizuka Inaho is a very dangerous man.  
  
  
   I wish I had formed a pact with our princess. I want to know how she feels, more than you. Does she smile when she’s happy? Does she twirl her hair because she’s nervous? Does she avert her gaze when she’s lying?  
   I don’t know these things about her. But I know them about you.  
   Your left eye is more piercing now than ever. Sometimes, I think you stare more intently with it. Like magic, that damn eye turns the world transparent.  
   You never often smile, but if you did, I can assure you it’d be just like a villain.  
  
  
   I want to get away from you, more often now than ever.  
   Once, we were but enemies on the battlefield. I can’t help but wonder how confused the world must be, where one nation fights for their princess they think to be dead, and the other burns with the passion for freedom alongside that very same princess.  
   I want to be on that other side with her. They could keep whipping me around like a rag doll all they please. Here, I only feel an ache in the pit of my stomach longing for home. Longing to awake from this nightmare, to see her face ever waiting to know more of my fictitious adventures of Earth.  
   You feel more than the aches of home. You feel the burns of scars long forgotten, and the fear of any object coming close. I would have never known these things about myself if you hadn’t mindlessly brought them up.  
  When I hear my own pain in your mind, I want so badly to reach out and save this mysterious boy from himself. He’s not a soldier, he should have never been at that damned place to begin with.  
   Somenights, when I listen to my feelings from you, I can’t stop crying. The feeling is so uncomfortably dry, how the salt water sticks to my face and every side of the pillow quickly becomes uncomfortable.  
   You’re completely inept when it comes to people things, you ask stupid questions like _do you need tissues_ and _you should sleep to recover your energy from crying_.  
   It makes the night go by faster, and I soon forget what hurt so much to begin with.  
  
  
   Even now, as the fighting comes to cease, I realize how empty my heart’s been this whole time. With you, Inaho, it’s only been emptied more. You have parts of me that can never be returned, every thought and desire I’ve ever had.  Has this all truly been for naught?  
   Even so, I can’t live like this. Not any longer.  
   I want to hear her voice again. Not through your ears, but my very own.  
  
_Stop looking at me._  
   A man stares at me, only ever from a distance. It’s a gaze that pierces my resolve, Kaizuka Inaho.  
_Stop looking at me!_  
   A constant reminder of what could have been. Inaho reaches for my hand, he holds it dearly for a good cause.  
   He holds me down to earth, for a dying breath. A final wish.  
   “Stop looking at me.”  
   He leaves as fast as he enters. No words, not a hello or a goodbye. Just a smug look, a fulfilled wish, a sense of pity, and my own defeatism.  
   A spear pierces my heart, engraved Kaizuka Inaho.  
  
  
   Everyone dies. It’s a natural thought, until you hear the round of a shot. And another. And another. And you really, truly feel your life fade away. You start to notice every little detail the world had to offer you. Grass is rough against bare skin, it makes you itch like crazy and leaves red spots on your dry skin. Blood is slow, sticky, and dries a disgusting brown color. Breathing is rough at times, and only gets harder the more you exert yourself. You feel powerful afterwards, but sometimes it doesn’t last.  
   Even when the day is saved, the world is at peace, and everything was finally moving in the right direction, in those final moments you have to wonder what the point was.  
  
   I wanted the last thing I heard to be her, singing a song for me to rest with.  
   I think I’m okay with your silence, too. With you sitting next to me, staring off into a bright, dusty sky. Despite all the time I spent together with you, I can’t decipher if you even feel remorse or not. I like it best, that way. I’ll never have the chance to figure the rest of you out, and our last night together feels like a dream.  
   Still wishing I had been the one killing you, I’m glad I got to spend this time with such a truly enigmatic bastard.  
_Thanks_ , I thought to myself. Considering your still alive, I know you didn’t hear it, but you smiled a little anyway, and said,  
“I didn’t do it for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry about how obviously singularly focused this is. Fact is, my true fatal flaw is despite my favorite media being war stories and mecha anime, I actually know fuck all about writing it. +I forget 100% of the cast of A/Z so if they’re unmemorable, I didn’t mention them. Truly, I’m going to make a great novelist one day.  
> Thanks for reading! To stop Slaine's suffering: Leave a comment! I'm always a sucker for comments! @w@~


End file.
